This picture was intended as a joke but it seems to symbolize my unconventional way of doing things.
Since I was very young I’ve always had a mind of my own. Now I’m able to do pretty much everything I please and I’m a force to be reckoned with if anything gets in my way. I assure you it wasn’t achieved without much suffering. I was only 8 years old when I decided I will live my life the way I wanted to, and I ran away from home that day because my parents forced me to do something I didn’t like. I came back home on the same day because I realized I’m too young to get a job and live on my own. Since then I’ve listened to countless tirades from my mother and earned several scars on my legs from my father’s beating with a leather belt buckle. I still have some of those scars until now. I’ve made enemies with some of my elementary school teachers because I refused to do things that didn’t make sense to me at that time, such as tilling the ground at the back of the school under the midday sun. I told my teacher I didn’t go to school to become a farmer so why should I bother. I would cut classes and climb over the school walls when I wasn’t interested with the lessons. And I was only 8 years old.
I chose my schools, my college degree, and my job. It wasn’t easy because I didn’t come from a rich family, and I worked hard for everything.
Now that I’m a grown woman my family is pressuring me to get married and start a family. Marriage for my mother is a religious, social, and cultural protocol that should be undertaken by every single person. When I was very young she had taught me every single household chore so I could become a good wife and mother in the future. I don’t see it that way. While all the other girls were dreaming of their wedding day and having kids, I was only thinking about how I could leave home and live a life of my own, on my own terms. I never dreamed of getting married, and now that I’ve seen my share of so many lovely weddings from my friends I still couldn’t think of getting married. I just have so many things to do and so many places to see and so many answers to seek that I really shudder to think of the day that I would settle down and forget about my dreams so I could raise kids. Selfish, I know. But I was never going to be a good wife and mother anyway. I am saving an unlucky man and kids from a terrible misfortune of having an irresponsible wife and mother.
Every time people ask me why I’m still not married I would answer them with another question: “is marriage the only purpose of a person’s life?” If they insist that it is I would tell them to travel more so they can see that the world has so many problems and none of those problems will be solved by marriage.
Some people tell me that I would regret it in the future. But I have long since given up on regrets and I’ve been at peace with myself for a long time. I like living alone and I can’t imagine being tied to someone for the rest of my life because I haven’t found someone who truly understands me. If I ever decide to have a child of my own I can always undergo IVF. Life is short, I will not waste it living other people’s ideas of a perfect life.
This is my life. I’m the one who has to suffer if I make bad decisions. I will deal with it, and I can always forgive myself. I have miles to go before I sleep, my friends. Let me be.
cogitoesoterica 